80/20 Parenting and a Quick Baby Update

Owen's Screw Face impression

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately…not sure if that's a good thing…for the sake of discussion we'll pretend it is.

 With the newly introduced stresses in our lives (the wife and I…and the kids for that matter) I find myself seeking and trying to define the balanced life.  That is part of why I have this blog.  It becomes an experiment as well as a sounding board for my thoughts, right or wrong. 

I know of and have read about a number of parents who “obsess” for lack of a better term, about making every detail perfect for their children.  I assure you I mean no disrespect but I’m pretty certain that you will always wind up disappointed in this way, and the skeptic in me thinks that your kids may grow up to resent your perfectionism. 

I know that I’m just getting started with this parenting thing, and I have a lot to learn, but like most things in life, I don’t see the value in obsessing and wasting life energy trying to perfect everything.  Here’s me raising my hand in support of the 80/20 rule in parenting. 

Now don't flame me saying that if I 80/20-teach my children how to cross the street they'll be dead.  Consider fully and completely  teaching your children street safety one of those 20% activities that give you 80% of your parenting results.

I think if you spent more time applying 80/20 in life, you’d be a happier person and your children will pick up on that.  They don’t want to see mom or dad come home from work every day, shoulders slouched from the weight of worries and stress.

My current health challenges may be the result of stress, hopefully I will find out soon.  I am no better than most, when I get home from the day I am usually a shell of my better self.  I internalize and I know it.  Over time that spills out externally. 

I’m just giving myself a free pass to relax, whether anyone else agrees with that or not.  It’s my children who are the most important now, and what’s the value in them seeing their role models all burnt out by life?

Be there for your children emotionally…always, but don't over-parent.

Mama Nikki Update

Anyway, Mama Nikki is entering a new phase in her life.  Due to the costs of sending three babies to daycare daily to allow her to work versus the apparent lack of benefits, she’s agreed to take a temporary leave of absence to stay home and raise them.  This is difficult for her, I’m sure.  You spend a decade or more of your adult years trying to achieve some level of success in the corporate world and then you have to put that on hold for the benefit of your family, and redefine yourself as Mother.  I am proud of her for her decision, though I never wanted to be the one to push her in either direction.

A quick update on the babies

Owen is now also being treated for NEC as of this morning.  Unlike his brother, his X-Ray isn’t displaying the normal signs but they’ve noticed some significant changes in the waste collected as part of his colostomy bag so, to be safe and based on what’s happened to his brother, they have stopped his feeds and have him on antibiotics to help treat NEC.

Noah’s X-Rays appear to be improving.  In fact his progress is good enough that they’ve been sprinting him for six to eight hours a shift.  My little peanut, Bella is also sprinting upwards of four hours per shift and now that she is getting the lionshare of the breast milk, she is now starting to put on weight.

We are cautiously optimistic about the boys and couldn’t be happier about the nice rebound that Bella Marie has taken.  

I'm listening to a cacophany of ambulances and fire engines outside my window as I write this late at night (not uncommon in the city) and I am deeply thankful for my children's safety and health even though they are away from me in a hospital room.

- Papa Charley.