Cheers,
Lori

I read this again. Charlie should know he's not alone. A great many people share the same struggles. I encourage Charlie to continue his meditation, even if it's only for a few minutes each day. But he needs a private area for this, one that is free from interruptions. Charlie does not need to choose between his family and hobbies. He can have both. The challenge is balancing the two and setting goals with a realistic timeframe. It's about taking one day at a time. One goal at a time. And with each goal, one step at a time.

I admire your honesty, Charley. You're probably feeling overwhelmed and exhausted because you probably are overwhelmed and exhausted. At least two good things will happen, but not overnight. The first is that your brain will adjust to the reality of having three babies at home who need lots of care. The second is that it will get easier as the babies get a bit older.

(True the challenges will change, too, but on the whole it will be an easier task to be a parent to the babies as they mature a bit and as you get some on-the-job experience.) For now, it sounds as if you're doing the right thing. Kudos to you!

The only person you have to be OK with is yourself, first and foremost, you know this. The present. Zen, Charley. Our perspective, our focus, what we make of our own reality, that is where the ego jumps in, the agitation, regret, stress. You are gifted in this world because you SEE.

I do not ever see anything as a mistake or a failure – I see life as a whole as great experience and growth. Nobody is better than the other, not one of us are perfect and we strive to be whole in the eyes of the greater controlling forces of this Universe for a far greater purpose than what is right here on Earth.

Focus is self, spirit, wholeness, wellness, peace of heart then peace of mind. To much thinking is not always a good thing, just being is where it is at and nobody but you needs to answer to you. That simple.

As for this life here, human existence, well yes it is a tough one at times. However courage is your best friend. Faith in oneself and a higher power and truth with oneself. And no, it is not selfish or egotistical to want oneself to feel good, right minded, right spirited and whole, that is what we should be doing first, however, we often go backwards, society, upbringing and whatnot. All the other stuff, is just that, stuff. Inside, there must be balance and that balance is a sliding scale spectrum. Dependent upon our experience.

There is no race Charley there is only right now, this moment you read this, flux. Constant. Just do what is best for self. We are often taught that is selfish, but it is far from it. It is healthy. So the better parent, better husband, better employee, better writer (whatever it is) those are needs of others, from within – that's where the peace is. Like anything, easier to say then apply, but once that is applied gosh, humans, thought process, life – seems very silly for there are far greater things in this world and other worlds for us all.

We create our own reality. It is that simple.

I will leave you with this:

I picked this book up today on Zen Meditation (zazun) and look:

There is a paragraph speaking about seeing the eye of God as a child and losing that sight and then goes into this:

"Not until years later, does an instinct come that a vital sense of mystery has been withdrawn. The sun glints through the pines, and the heart is pierced in a moment of beauty and strange pain, like a memory of paradise. After that day, there is no beauty without pain, and at the bottom of each breath, there is a hollow place that is filled with longing. That day we become seekers without knowing that we seek, and at first, we long for something "greater" than ourselves, something far away. It is not a return to childhood, for childhood is not a truly enlightened state, yet to seek one' s own true nature is, as one Zen master has said: a way to lead you to your long-lost home.

Be Good To Self,

Peace,

Sue

Most people I know would be in awe of all that you are doing and that you are still able to smile and stay sane after all the demanding challenges you and your wife have gone through over the last few months.

I know that I for one would have probably given up by now!

You have hit on the nail – focus first on yourself and being a good parent / husband and the rest will come gradually if not rapidly.

Focus on the best "you" and maybe that means you just take a back seat, do the minimum you can outside of your family and chill out!

And it is okay to make "mistakes" – you are human after all:-)